Its been a week. That alone should take the pressure off. How do you write about it? How do you talk about it?
My boss and company president died last week of a heart attack here at the office. Joe was a too young 56. The gap in our business is huge, as well as a personal loss of someone I have worked with for almost 18 years. And the shock of realizing I could just walk away from the office, something that he would never be able to do again.
Being the marketer, I realized I had to put something on the website. People are going to be looking for news about it. It was 11pm at night when I finally posted something. One of our overseas reps had sent an email of condolences, and I guess seeing it in print made it real enough that I could talk about.
I showed what I had posted in the morning to a co-worker who made two comments: we should check with his wife first; and it sounded too newsy.
I disabled the post waiting for approval, and replaced some of my text with someone else's "we regret to inform you...". Turns out that the approval never came. But for at least a few hours the news was right on our website.
What I realized, and was willing to accept, is that in certain situations, dignity and respect are more important than directness and timeliness. The writing style that I use here and on my company website needs to be dialed back, even to the point that the voice no longer seems to be mine. Who really wants to read a death announcement written by someone who was there and personally affected by it anyway?
The thing is, the funeral service had this third-person feel. Part of the problem is that the pastor never acknowledged that a whole company was wondering 'what's next?' I hope that the family felt comforted by her words about his family life, but I wanted her to acknowledge my pain, my worry.
I settled for accepting that our presence there was to comfort the family as well. And the family was very gracious and heartfelt in meeting with everyone who was there.
So what do you say? What do you write? Who's your audience? Will you make others (or yourself) cry? Are you direct and personal, or formal and polite? Does it gloss over the ugliness or make it real to others?
All these questions for someone who has to communicate, never mind the personal thoughts one has about the passing of a colleague.
Shalom Joe Hamm.